Drinking Tea

My sister and I when I was home for the holiday made stupid silly videos on her cell phone (it doesn't make any sense to me how they can do that) about drinking tea and tacky houses and their Christmas lights. I'm reminded of her as I am up drinking tea and being silly procrastinator yet again, disillusioned, forgetful of where I am and what my role is and what I should be doing at this moment (sleeping instead of working on an assignment due when the sun rises?)

I haven't felt like writing in a long time. It is a horrible feeling, that one in the pit of my stomach telling me I have nothing original to think about, that it has all been done and there is a void where my imagination used to be. The winter does that to a person, the cold puts part of you in hibernation.

But I feel loved today, the part of me that isn't sleeping away the winter in a cave waiting for the grass to peek out under the snow all green and ready. Yes, I feel loved and there is nothing better than that and of course words escape me because there aren't words good enough.

This isn't poetic, this isn't beautiful but I am keeping it anyway. I am not going to select all, make it blue and then make it all go away. This isn't a contest, putting all the good stuff to the top (the cream in the milk) and hiding the rest away under a wig and make up painted on blush and blue/green/pink/ eyelids. This is me sitting here wearing the ring that my boobaluke won for me at an arcade thinking that it is the most beautiful thing because it is from him and it makes me feel less lonely. This is me sitting here drinking tea and thinking thoughts that aren't worthy of repeating, but worthy enough to stand their ground and be. This is me sitting her drinking tea remembering my sister's newfound love of it and smelling it on the night breath of my momma as I put a blanket over her before I go up to sleep.

I think it's always funny how plain old orange pekoe tea reminds me of home - the taste and the smell - and always makes me smile. The caffeine isn't bad either.