it will not come until i call it practice my words with my hand over my mouth feel the vibrations of my lips against my palms my warm breath words sounds it will not come until i know what it looks like until i can reach out with my eyes closed and touch it and know that i have arrived it will not come until there is space enough for it not just standing room but a bed and a quilt and a pillow and a cat in the centre to keep it warm it will not come until i know i can forget and it will still find me come up behind and find me in the day in the dark in the camouflage