Today and Every Day

It's about time I started doing this. My fingers are aching to type away at something interesting, something that doesn't have a specific deadline, or outline or best practices involved. It's scary that I haven't written in a long time. It used to be right before I went to bed but now it's making sure I'm getting enough sleep, that Mona's fed and there's enough time to say I love you over the phone. How those three little words get lost over the phone...

I'm a little worried about how this will go, but I know that I am only fooling myself. This will be yet another scapegoat, another reason why I am writing that paper the night before when I've had months and months of thinking time.

It's a Friday night and here I am, me and my cat. I am supposed to be working on that aforementioned paper - the just out of reach- but here I am typing and listening to the hum of the computer over the noise of the outside. There are so many things I am supposed to be doing, to have done, to have all thought out and planned and ready and...damn it sometimes it's just easier to be like Luke and NOT WORRY. But how is that possible? How can I let go of something I have become so attached to; a presence that is always with me? Yes, my worried mind is my constant companion.

But let me shift. This is supposed to (bah that damn word) be a space for me to finally be creative. It's been too long and I am so pale. I want to write here, write nothing, write everything, make it all make sense, speak sleepyspeak when even the love of my life has no idea what in the hell I am talking about. This is for me to get rid of my toxic village, the one that has pretty trees and gardens planted right over the sewer line.